Fruit Salad
by kerushei
Summary: A parody of Fruits Basket. Everyone is stranger than usual. I suck at summaries. Just read it okay?


Disclaimer: We do not own Fruits Basket or any of the characters.

(We is my brother and I)

Okay so this is a parody of the anime dubbed version of Fruits Basket. The theme song's melody(?) goes by the Japanese version… never mind make up your own tune. The characters will be OOC somewhat so don't get mad. I had this story for awhile and I want to see how it bodes

"talking" 'thinking' (me)

Episode uno part uno: Is that a Flamingo?

(opening theme starts)

At first I lived in a tent,

I told the rats to get bent,

They kicked me out of their apartment.

I saw some rocks one day,

I considered taking them out,

A creepy guy walked on out.

I let prince Yuki come out and beat him up

His fans went nuts and attempted murder

Then I figured out they turn into animals you know

I really freaked out when I saw those forms you know,

That was when I lived in their house and sooooo,

I love my picture always

(Then a picture of he 'mom' on a pile of trash shows up)

"I'm off to school mom!" Exclaimed a happy Tohru Honda.

Tohru Honda is a 16 year old high school girl. She has long brown hair and greenish eyes. And she is probably a few peas short of a casserole if you know what I mean. Which is probably why she is talking to a picture of a gorilla.

Tohru walks out of the tent. 'Hello my name is Tohru Honda. Just last may my mom died in an accident.'

&Flashback&

"Your mom has fallen down and broken her leg. She will be in the hospital for a while." Said Tohru's teacher, " You need to stay with your Grandfather for that time."

"OH NO MOM IS DEAD!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed a hysterical Tohru.

&End Flashback&

'But Grandpa lived in a Hooters so he wanted to change some of the house so it was fit for me to live in.'

'So I thought I'll live by myself. So I did.'

'All I got left of my mom is her picture'

&Flashbacktime&

Tohru is digging around in the garbage and finds a picture of a gorilla eating a banana wearing a bikini.

"Hi mom," Tohru exclaims happily.

&Ends Flashback&

She walks into a sewer pipe and walks around for a while. Then she climbs out of a manhole to see a nice house.

"Oops mom wrong poopie hole." She says before she takes time to actually notice the house. Then she says. "Hey mom this place looks nice, maybe I can jack something."

She walks up to the porch and notices some rocks that were scribbled on. She says, "Hey mom these should at least get me ten bucks of eBay."

Then she looks up to see a man in a yukata with dark hair and eyes. He says, "My, my, my there is a girl on my porch that is considering selling my rocks on eBay. Do we have to get the police involved in this? (My Precious)

Tohru then notices that she has been caught. "I mean wow look at these I would NEVER plan on stealing them. Uuuuuuhhhh errr is that a flamingo?"

Shigure looked flabbergasted. "No this is the Chinese zodiac."

"oh"

Shigure then says, "I am surprised this junk is worth 10 smackaroos to you."

"I suppose you don't have the ostrich…" (And you thought she was going to say cat)

Shigure sighed, "You don't know much about the Chinese zodiac. I believe you mean the cat."

"Whatever you say," said Tohru eyeing him like he was some kind of freak.

&Flashback&

"Long ago some random bum told the animals to meet at a party the next day, don't be late." Said Tohru's mom (not the gorilla). "The rat got the cat drunk the night before. The next day all the animals got in a random line and went to the party. The cow rode the rat, but at the last minute he fell off. Everyone was having fun except for the cat who had a humongous hangover."

"Poor cat," sobbed Tohru, "he must have been a few fries short of a happy meal just like me… I know! I won't be year of the log anymore and be year of the cat, because we are so alike."

"I think you are closer to the dog." Said her mom.

"I think you have the story a bit off…" Shigure told her then muttered, "I wonder how he'll think of this version."

"Hey no wonder I liked you so much!" he squealed (what the?) " You are a dog just like me. I am a dog too and…

Crunch

"Excuse my cousin he is a pervert but he is harmless now that I squashed the rest of his brain cells into oblivion." Said a loveable gray-haired teen.

'YUKI SOHMA' thought Tohru, 'Oh mom he is the prince of our school and is very popular. I didn't know he lives out here. Wait a minute the fan club will pay a lot of money for a lock of his hair… hmmmmmmm'

By now Tohru has been thinking to herself for about 5 minutes while staring and staring at the beloved PRINCE YUKI. By now the poor knocked out Shigure got up with a little trickle of blood and brain cells showing up at his hairline.

"Man what do you have in your bag, a llama?" He asked groggily.

"I have 5 dictionaries." Explained Yuki.

"What kind of freak walks around with five dictionaries?" asked Shigure. (Or two for that matter…)

"Well..." said Yuki, "Someone told me that gullible wasn't in the dictionary, so I looked it up. The thing is it was in the dictionary, so I decided to find the dictionary that the definition is missing in."

Meanwhile Tohru is done thinking and has come to a conclusion.

"I better get to school then," she said.

"Wait!" screamed Shigure. "I am Shigure Sohma Yuki's older and used to be smarter cousin. (Until someone squashed your brain cells) Why doesn't Yuki walk you to school?"

"Okay," chirped Tohru. Then she lifted the manhole lid. Yuki and Shigure stared Oo.

"Aren't you coming, Yuki?" She asked.

"Umm I was planning on walking on dry land thank you very much."

"Oh… okay." She said while smiling.

Later on while Yuki was walking Tohru to school she thought she heard this funny little song…

"O…B….S….E….S….S….E…D… OBSESSED ABOUT YUKI LALALALLALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAA." In the background the Prince Yuki Fan club (PYFC) were doing some kind of weird cheerleader pose. Then they got in a pyramid to do some other annoying cheer. Luckily they all fell down.

'hmmm' thought Tohru. 'The birds have some weird mating calls'

&School&

"WHY WERE YOU WALKING PRINCE YUKI TO SCHOOL?!" bellowed a very annoying idiot.

"Yeah girl he is ours so you betta watch yo-self," said another annoying idiot girl in a certain club.

Tohru was puzzled. She got a lock of hair for the… girls and they still won't give her money. By the way they were yelling at her she was afraid she was going to wake up with a horse head in her bead. She liked horses. So she yelled, "HELP IDIOT FANGIRL ATTACK SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Somewhere else her call was heard. A figure climbed out of a well then plopped out of a T.V screen. Then this girl started to stumble toward Tohru. (the ring: Hana style) Somewhere else at a ballet recital, a tall blonde girl took off in mid dance.

The… girls were still yelling at Tohru when they felt a presence. They turned around to see Uo in a tutu. "What do you think you are doing?" she asked gruffly, "Do I have to mess you up?"

The PYFC laughed and laughed. "You can't harm us, you sissy gangster-turned-ballerina chick! Hahahahhahahahhahaha!"

Uo did a twirly move and kicked them all in the stomach, except for the short one who got it in the face. (heeheehee)

The PYFC then looked up again and saw a girl with long dark hair over her face. She was walking to them with her hands held out like that of a zombie. She looked up at the idiots and the idiots saw a horrible green face then ran away ringified. (Basically they have weird, green looking faces.)

"Awwwww" said the tutu-clad girl, "Did the nincompoops try to hurt you?" She hugged Tohru.

&Home Ec& (the horror)

"Today is meat surprise, class," snarled the nasty, hairy teacher.

Tohru, Uo, and Hana got to work. "That Yuki, there is some strange presence around him."

"Presents where?!" Tohru asked, "Maybe it will be some funny scribbled on rocks.

"Okay," said Uo, "He is different from the other boys…"

Tohru slid some vinegar in the concoction then grinded up some pig hooves and sprinkled those in.

Hana added some shoelaces and spoke, "You mean other than the fact that most people want to see him as a woman then yes."

"You have been working hard lately, Tohru," commented her blonde friend, "Did you get in some economic trouble? Are you living in a tent due to some complications and are trying to pay off your tuition by working? Are you going to live in a strange home with strangers?"

"no."

"Good."

&After school&

"Hey Yuki, wait up," said the girl who wasn't the brightest hunk of cheese.

"Oh hello Miss Honda," said the beloved prince, "I hear that you like the cat from the zodiac."

'That was random' the thought then said, "oh yes I did as a little girl."

"Smart animals, they are so great and wonderful and elegant… just take that and make it the opposite okay?" (Yuki…)

"I take it you heard the legend then," Yuki inquired.

"Yes."

Well did you know that the zodiac is a series of numbers and other mathematical stuff that you and I don't know about so I am not getting into it."

Tohru spaced out. "oh"

"Yes the animals weren't added in until some really stupid people like you and Shigure needed a new way of calculating it."

"That is very interesting," Tohru lied.

"I don't believe in it though," Yuki declared.

"Then why are you so worked up about it?"

"… Shut up. You look sick, don't overwork yourself." Then he left with a lot of pretty sparklies surrounding him.

PYFC swoon

Okay this is it for now. I will continue under these circumstances.

people actually like it.

I want to

I have time

So hit the review button. Chapters may take awhile because between school and swimming I might be slightly busy.


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